Mindfulness For COINTELPRO Victims #4

Mindfulness For COINTELPRO Victims

    The following is citation from my spiritual autobiography that I wrote in Psychology of Religion class in 2011. This is a record of how I recovered from the most emotinal incident in my life— my father’s death.

   

My father was victimized in a serious crime seven years ago.  Since it was a very special case, the local police did not investigate it.  Instead the police concluded his death to be suicide, but I still do not know precisely why and how my father died.  One day in 2004 I came home past midnight after work.  The lights in the living room and the stairs, which were usually off around this time, were on.  My father, who was supposed to be sleeping in the room, was not there.  I went to the bathroom and was freaked out. My brain stopped functioning and my legs started shaking. I could not move an inch for a while. In front of my eyes there was literal the sea of blood.  The blood became a clot and was stuck in the drain. It was like a small swimming pool made of human blood. On the bath tub cover, there was a disposal medical knife with blood. I was totally lost.  An hour later, two officers from the local police rang the doorbell of my house.  I opened the door. One of them said: “Are you the son of Koichiro-san?”  I answered: “Yes.”  He said: “Your father was delivered to a hospital by ambulance but he died there at 3:06 am.”  I could not understand what he was talking about immediately.  For the next whole week, I was strongly wishing that everything had been just a bad dream and I could eventually wake up from this nightmare…, but it was not a dream.  In fact, there was some evidence that he was involved in so called organized stalking/harassment crime.  Although I later tried to make the local police investigate this case, they were too frightened to do it.  Therefore, the main perpetrators have not been found yet and they are still free.

    I was also blackmailed when I tried to disclose this incident to the public through the Internet.  They threatened me to death several times but no one, including the police, offered me help.  People around admit that my father was a very kind and warm-hearted person and everyone liked him.  He did nothing wrong. Why did he have to suffer like that?  Why can the criminals be enjoying their free life now?  What is justice? What is the truth? What is the meaning of our life and death?  Nobody seemed to be able to answer my desperate questions.  As is often the case with people in such a serious crisis, I totally lost the purpose of life.
(Full Text: http://americanobotsuraku.blog132.fc2.com/blog-entry-62.html )

Nevertheless, I did not choose the worst decisions such as committing suicide, following a cult religion blindly, or something self-destructive. Instead, I desperately sought for the answer from a lot of books on psychology, Western and Eastern philosophy and religion, and whatever fields that appealed to me. Finally, I found the words of the Buddha in Dhammapada:

 “’These sons belong to me, and this wealth belongs to me,’ with such thoughts a fool is tormented. He himself does not belong to himself; how much less sons and wealth?” (Verse 62)

  Through the Buddha’s words, I was immediately able to understand that my suffering arose from attachment.  Despite of the fact that no one can change the past, I was tied with the past events which could not be undone. Finally, however, I realized that something that I am not able to control does not belong to me; thus the unbearable suffering I was going through was not supposed to belong to me, either.  This discovery of the cause of suffering helped me find a way to deal with my problem objectively.  In other words, only this way was I able to alleviate my heartache.

In fact, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) follows the similar steps to the process I underwent. In the research, “How Does Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy Work?” Kuyken (2010) and the other researchers discovered that after practicing mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, clients experienced less severity of depression symptoms. In fact, the patients still encountered relapse such as self-aversion and self-judgment in the first three sessions of mindfulness therapy. After the months of sessions, however, the clients became able to “detach” from their negative thoughts which used to generate destrucitve emotions. In other words, they learned to “consciously choose thoughts, emotions, and sensations rather than habitually react to them” (Kuyken, et al, 2010). Incidentally, I was unwarily practicing MBCT method without any therapeutic knowledge. Nowadays, Buddhist meditations--especially “mindfulness”--are introduced as scientifically validated methods which could help improve our mental health and well-being. It is a welcome trend that the benefits of mindfulness practice are widely spreading beyond religious and cultural differences.

 

 

                                                       Reference                                        

 

Kuyken, Willem; Watkins, Ed; Holden, Emily; White, Kat; Taylor, Rod S.; Byford, Sarah; Evans, Alison; Radford, Sholto; Teasdale, John D.; Dalgleish, Tim. (2010)  How does mindfulness-based cognitive therapy work? Behaviour Research and Therapy, Vol 48(11), Nov 2010.


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yenu

Author:yenu
The Writer of 『拝啓 ギャングストーカー犯罪者の皆様』(Dear COINTELPRO Criminals) and <集団ストーカーの死> The Death of Gangstalker; also Co-Editor of 「新しいタイプの人権侵害・暴力」 Unprecedented Human Rights Violation

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